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Damilare Kuku on How Real Life Inspired Her Hit Novel ‘Nearly All The Men in Lagos Are Mad’

OkayAfrica spoke to author Damilare Kuku about her salient breakout novel ‘Nearly All The Men in Lagos Are Mad.’

Damilare Kuku is new to Nigeria’s literary scene. But her short story collection, Nearly All The Men in Lagos Are Mad, came with a buzz. Released in October 2021, the book is a collection of twelve salient tales of young Nigerians in Lagos. Capturing the complexion of the city, it grapples with themes like love, sex, deceit, infidelity, companionship, and heartbreak.

The characters in Nearly All The Men in Lagos Are Mad are women. However, they are not just any kind of women. They are people with whom Kuku shares certain connections with.

Some of these women are friends, close acquaintances, and relatives. "One of the aims of my work as a creative artist is bringing human beings closer, especially women," Kuku told OkayAfrica. "Because women need to know that whatever they are going through, they are not alone. There are other people with the same thing happening to them."

Kuku, who loved reading books as a child, grew up between Lagos and Ile-Ife. Before her debut novel became a hit, Damilare played roles in movies. She’s made appearances in Africa Magic's television series Unbroken and Nollywood blockbusters like The Set-Up (2019), Chief Daddy (2018), and Love is War (2019). As her writing career enjoys attention and success, she landed her most important Nollywood role yet — in the Biodun Stephen-directed drama The Wildflower, released in May.

OkayAfrica caught up with Kuku on Zoom to talk about this anthology work, its inspiration, and her most important role in Nollywood yet.

Damilare Kuku book

How did you come up with the title?

The title of the novel came to me after a prayer session. I'm an unapologetic child of God, which means I rely heavily on God. I was actually in between projects and remembered I was in my one-room apartment in Yaba, Lagos — a very cute little place. I liked it, and I was so proud of the space.

Whenever I am not working, I pray. Somehow, somewhere, I was praying, inspiration came and was like, "how about you write a novel titled Nearly All The Men in Lagos Are Mad?" It wasn't even the inspiration for the stories; it was only the title. So immediately, I sent the title to a very well-known Nollywood actor's assistant. I never got a response, which discouraged me a bit, but I thought maybe it wasn't the right time, so I let it go. This was in 2019. A year later, I submitted a book to my publisher. This was the publisher who later published Nearly All The Men in Lagos Are Mad, and they were like we see potential, and we'd love you to come in for a meeting. So I went in for a meeting and they wanted to sign me on the spot.

Your book deals with themes like deceit, companionship, infidelity, social class, friendship, and heartbreak. Was there any of these themes you wanted readers to pay more attention to?

All stories in the novel are as personal as they can be. I don't have a story in the book, but each story was carefully written, which is interesting because I had all of these things written out, hoping anybody reading the book would get the message. When the message was clear, it was pretty comforting. Every particular story was of clear intention. The same thing with any of my work has always been clear. I'm always delighted when people see my message's clarity. Each story is a love letter to some woman I know.

In the story “Beard Gang” from Nearly All The Men in Lagos Are Mad, you explored how Gay men use marriage to straight women to conceal and hide their sexual orientation. Do you think Nearly All The Men in Lagos helped in any way to pinpoint how this is problematic?

Firstly LGBTQ+ community is very precious, and I'm cautious with what I say. I believe my work mirrors what is going on in the society. Take from it what you will. I tell most people I'm not here to educate you, and I'm more of a timekeeper. That's what I am as a writer. I'm saying this is what is happening. As Damilare, I believe people should be who they want to be. People should learn to accept people for who they are. That's my phenomenon; that is my theory about life. When a person shows you who they are, accept them, but on the other hand, I'm not doing that in this book. I'm simply saying that this is where our society is. Read it and then take from it what you will.

Because it would be foolhardy of me to say this is wrong or right. I'm not here to teach anybody, I'm just here to mirror the society and say how it is. I've had many reporters ask me what my view on queer people is. I don't have an opinion, and that's not because I'm trying to play it safe, but this is what society is.

Damilare Kuku green shirt

"I'm very intentional with my work, and I feel like, as a woman, I can only share stories about what it feels like to be a woman," Damilare Kuku said.

Photo Credit: Damilare Kuku

Let’s talk about the theme of sex. Why was it so essential to the stories being told in your novel?

For me, it was the characters telling their stories, and I can remember older people who had read the book who called me and said, "Is this what is happening now?" and I said yes. I told them it was different from their time when women were very conservative about their sexual life and sexuality. Nowadays, if a woman consents to sex, she's doing it of her own free will. So is that necessarily a good or a bad thing? Then again, it is not my place because if I pass judgment as a writer, I'm not doing my job telling the story. It is left to the readers to make with it what they will. I remember I did an interview a while ago and the interviewer and critic called NALMILAM not too far from pornography, and I laughed. Similarly, the book is dedicated to my mom Oluremi Abake. She started reading the book, but she also says the sex talk is a bit too much for her. But I feel like it's a normal phenomenon; young people living in Lagos are having sex, so why sugar coat it?

Was there any story in Nearly All The Men in Lagos Are Mad that was tedious or mentally draining to write?

The only thing that was quite tedious was emotions. So when my friends — the inspirations behind the stories — went through what they went through, I related as a listener. To write about their experiences, you have to become them. So I found myself being them. Sometimes I would even cry. In the story "Ode-plus complex," the main character (Jide) was a family member's experience. I became the character to understand what they went through, which helped me as an actor. It was very therapeutic.

Let's talk about your latest role in The Wildflower. Share with me what it was like to play the role

As I said, I'm very intentional with my work, and I feel like, as a woman, I can only share stories about what it feels like to be a woman, either through what friends have been through or what I know someone else has gone through. I can tell what other women go through because I am one myself, so when I got the role in The Wildflower, after several auditions, I was very excited. I wanted to tell the story of women and what they go through, abuse in the workplace and many girls go through that. They are being marginalized. Women go through a lot, and most times, some people who do these things to us don't think they've abused the woman.

In The Wildflower, my character was abused by her boss, and there was a scene after the abuse where he said to her, "If only you've been a little bit more cooperative..." and I believe most men think like this. They think, "I didn't rape you — we had sex." But no, it's rape. I told you "no." You didn't listen and went ahead to do what you wanted. When someone says "no," no should mean no. I have often heard some ridiculous views like, "when an African woman says no, she means maybe."

We are here in a society where men don't respect boundaries. They don't respect personal space, and they think it's okay to touch a girl because she's wearing a short skirt. I read a review about The Wildflower from a popular site, and the reviewer said, "absolutely not recommended because abuse has been talked about," and I actually wish I could talk to the person and say, "just because abuse has been talked about many times, doesn't mean it shouldn't be explored."






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10 African LGBTQ+ Books to Read for Pride Month

We combined a list of thought provoking books from poetry, fiction, and memoir to help you through your pride month.

In African countries where LGBTQ+ rights are denied, books are vital. Books that cover the plight of queer people don't just offer a mirror to their existence but showcase characters whose actions serve as a guide to navigate life as an LGBTQ+ person in a homophobic society.

With pride month in full effect, it's time to celebrate not just the lived experiences of people in the LGBTQ+ communities in several part of the continent but to celebrate the incredible works of writers and authors who brought African queer existence to the mainstream publishing industry. These authors are creating characters who help queer people navigate their lives in both accepting and unaccepting countries.

To celebrate 2022 pride month, OkayAfrica made a list of the best African LGBTQ+ books by African authors to read. These books should put you in the pride spirit to celebrates both yourselves and family and friends who are also part of the Queer community.

Vagabond by Eloghosa Osunde

Vagabond by Eloghosa Osunde cover

In Vagabond, A very audacious debut, Eloghosa Osunde captures the struggle, mystery, and reality of queer bodies — both living and spirits — in the city of Ékò.

The Death of Vivek Oji by Akwaeke Emezi

The Death of Vivek Oji cover

The Death of Vivek Oji is a queer transcendental book that introduces us to those moments of love we miss budding up into adults. In this very visceral novel — that structures the concept of reincarnation and interrogates duality and mystical selfhood — Vivek Oji falls in love with his cousin and childhood friend Osita. But along the line of their love story, something tragic befalls.

Sacrament of Bodies by Romeo Oriogun

Sacrament of Bodies title

Romeo Oriogun’s poetry is captivating, revolutionary, and liberating. In his debut collection of poetry, Sacrament of Bodies, the poet exposes the lived realities of being queer in Nigeria, from poems like “saddest night alive” to “departure” Oriogun portrays vulnerabilities, withdrawal, and anguish with stimulating language that evoke readers.

God’s Children are Little Broken Things by Arinze Ifeakandu

\u200bGod\u2019s Children are Little Broken Things\u200b by Arinze Ifeakandu

If you ever read Arinze Ifeakandu’s Ako Caine Prize shortlisted story, “God's children are little broken things” then you definitely understand the power he possesses — it’s a very fascinating story that shows the love between two young adults in the university of Nigeria. And this month, the same story comes along with either other stories in Ifeakandu’s debut.

In The Nude by Logan February

In The Nude by Logan February

In this powerful collection, Logan February documents several themes — grief, survival, mental health, patriarchy, religion and homophobia. They are themes that resonate with the reality of being queer in Nigeria. The poems are adventurous and didactic, making this book the perfect tool to get the pride spirit flowing in you.

Collective Amnesia by Koleka Putuma

Collective Amnesia by Koleka Putuma

Koleka Putuma knows how to work magic on her readers. In her collection, which won the 2018 Glenna Luschei Prize for African Poetry, Putuma explores childhood memories, community, grief and homophobia. Her poems are alive and aligns the history of trauma.

You Have to be Gay to Know God by Siya Khumalo

You Have to be Gay to Know God by Siya Khumalo

In this fascinating book, Siya khumalo tells his personal experiences, from his childhood to being in the army to competing in pageants. The author illustrates what it means growing up queer in South Africa exposing themes like religion and culture.

Speak No Evil by Uzodinma Iweala

Speak No Evil by Uzodinma Iweala

From the author of Beast of No Nation, Speak No Evil tells the tale of a very brilliant queer man raised by two conservative parents in Washington D.C and struggles to keep the secret of being gay to his parents. When his father accidentally discovers, things get brutal. Iweala’s writing plays between the void of historical and contemporary and with Speak No Evil, it highlights an emotional journey of an 18-year-old.

They Called Me Queer by Kim Windvogel

They Called Me Queer by Kim Windvogel

A compilation of stories written by LGBTQ+ Africans that illuminate their struggles and how they navigate it, this collection of story draws on countless testimonies by these writers and it doesn’t fail to speak on their joy and tribulations as queer Africans. A very thought provoking book to read this pride month.

Embracing My Shadows: Growing Up Lesbian in Nigeria by Unoma Azuah

Embracing My Shadows: Growing Up Lesbian in Nigeria by Unoma Azuah

Unoma Azuah shows us what it's like to be lesbian in Nigeria and how she navigated abuse, homophobia and a very religious society that tried so well to swallow her up because of her identity. This is a very passionate memoir that offers you a sense of freedom but leaves you with emotions you have no control of.


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